Are You An Emotional Eater?

[Approximately an 8-minute read]

(My zeal for cake is shown in the title photo for this post - that wasn’t even my cake, it was for my mom, yet you know I got the first slice)

My birthday is this Wednesday, which means I have already been obsessing over what sort of cake I will bake for myself. Will it be angel food with pink frosting, like my great-grandmother used to make? Will it be a lemon layer cake filled with fresh lemon curd? Will it be a three-layer chocolate cake with a fresh whipped cream filling and fudge frosting? Yes, most likely, yes. I put a lot of weight on birthday cakes every year, which set me to thinking about food, emotions, and Emotional Eating. 

Up until a few years ago, even with all my struggles with overeating and body-image issues, I always declared myself NOT an emotional eater. And then one night, as I was searching for just the right movie to watch with my popcorn because, like Elaine’s sponge in episode 9 of Seinfeld’s 7th season, my movie must be popcorn-worthy - it occurred to me: this is a form of emotional eating.

So What is “Emotional Eating” Anyway?

Most definitions of Emotional Eating will usually include two points:

1) Emotional eating is a consumption, or increased consumption, of food in the absence of physiological hunger.  Basically, you aren’t eating because your body requires sustenance, you are eating for other reasons, often instigated by emotion.

2) Emotional eating is often a response to negative emotions, such as anger, loneliness, boredom, depression, anxiety, fear, shame, etc. While emotional eating can also be tied to positive emotions, there has been less research on the role of positive emotions in emotional eating, AND the research has NOT provided consistent results.

I have never been one to overeat when stressed or depressed. I don’t succumb to the seductive sabor of Ben & Jerry during seasons of sadness. The negative emotions, or avoidance thereof, were just never my catalysts for over-consumption. So I considered myself a gal without willpower, rather than a gal with emotional eating issues.
It was this popcorn revelation that sent me on a journey of self-investigation where I observed my eating patterns, and noticed many emotional elements involved in my food choices. . . .here are just a few:

Food as Entertainment 

There is nothing wrong with enjoying a dinner with friends, or the array of decadent dips at Super Bowl parties, but food shouldn’t be primarily for the sake of entertainment. Once food becomes entertainment first, and sustenance second, it’s really hard to stop eating because you don’t use “fullness” as a factor. Fun is your factor instead.

Several years ago I looked forward to the food at gatherings AS MUCH as, if not sometimes more than, I looked forward to the friends and family I would see at the gatherings. 

Think about that statement and how messed up it is. 

This didn’t mean that I didn’t love my family and friends, it was just an indication that my relationship with food was a little warped.

Then there’s the example of the popcorn from above. Why did my popcorn require not just a movie, but the perfect movie? Why wouldn’t I eat popcorn while watching just a tv show? I’m not sure, but I do know that style of thinking put a lot of emotional weight on that poor little bag of popcorn.

Lately, I’ve been asking myself why I need popcorn at all. . . “Isn’t a movie just as good without popcorn?” Obviously, the answer to that question is “yes,” but it was a difficult truth for me to chew. 

I still eat popcorn once a week, and usually with a movie, the difference now is that I try to eat it only when hungry, and be more lucidly aware of my co-dependent relationship with sexy, old man Orville. 

March 1977

I have always loved cake!

Food as Reward

While my mom didn’t use food as a reward when I was a kid, there are a lot of parents who do. I’m sure we all have a friend who coaxed their kid into potty training with handfuls of M&M’s. If kids are given food as a reward, then the food becomes more than just food: it becomes a source of pleasure or a serving of soothing. This can set kids up for emotional issues with food. 

Food as a reward can be an issue for adults as well when we use food as a reward for a job well done, a weight-loss goal we met, or working out all week. I remember not eating any food with added sugar for a few weeks before a wedding so that I could feast on wedding cake and wedding mints, only to show up and see the cake frosting was so darkly and artificially dyed that I knew I wouldn’t eat it anyway. I stewed about this disappointment for a disproportionate amount of time. This really shouldn’t be one of my few main memories from something as special as a wedding, but it is. Just like kids, using food as a reward can set us up for a complicated relationship with eating. 

We should treat food like food; eat it when we are hungry and not because we have imbued it with the emotional heft of a gold star. 

Food as Anticipation

Are you thinking about a second helping of food before you have finished your first? I cannot tell you how many times I have done this. It rarely happens with nutrient-dense, healthy foods, but it happens with fat-laden foods like gelato or baked ziti. The fork is barely exiting my lips, and I’m already thinking about going to get more before I’ve swallowed what’s in my mouth.

This type of anticipatory future-thinking reduces the pleasure of eating because we can’t enjoy our first serving of food while we are already thinking about our second. Think of how shitty humans are at multi-tasking and apply it to this situation: I’m missing out on how delicious the bites in my mouth are because my brain is too busy thinking of how good those future bites will be. 

One of the benefits of the mindfulness eating craze is understanding how to enjoy and savor your food in the moment. If you revel in eating your first helping of food, you may be satisfied enough to not need a second.

March 1978

Fashion savvy at the age of 3, I was coordinating with the tablecloth.

Eating Too Much so You Don’t Waste Food

I mentioned this in passing in the January 2022 issue of the Quick Bites newsletter, but I am mentioning it again here as it is one of my hangups when it comes to attaching too much meaning to food. Just the thought of throwing food away gives me a surprising amount of anxiety. While it is not a smart environmental or financial move to waste food, overeating to reduce food waste can lead to weight gain. To combat this in our home, we curb our food waste and protect our waistlines by making only what we need, giving leftovers away to friends, or freezing leftovers for future convenience meals. You can also compost at home with a vermicomposting system or join a compost club. Remind yourself when you are eating your fourth day of decadent Mac and cheese that eating too much isn’t the only way to cut down on food waste. If you find yourself eating too much food just because you don’t want to waste it, then try tossing it out and choosing YOU over the FOOD. 

The Reasons We Emotionally Eat & What to do About It

There are a variety of reasons for emotional eating, from the science of cravings and poor interoception (the perception of sensations from inside the body, including satiety, etc) to emotional dysregulation and eating disorders. And there are just as many potential panaceas to emotional eating as there are catalysts for it; mindfulness and intuitive eating to Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). 

But the first step is realizing you are an emotional eater in the first place. As you recall, I didn’t even hit this first step until a few years ago.

So before you do anything, just observe: 

Keep a food diary.

Write down your food on post-it notes.

Download a food tracker.

Be mindful and aware when eating.

Then, assess:

WHAT am I eating?

AND

WHY am I eating?

This is a practice in observation, NOT judgment.

This is just the first step, or the first bite, on a revelatory and tasty journey!

So, are you an emotional eater? Let me know in the comments, and in a future post I will talk about what to do about it!

March 2002

Twenty-two years have passed and I will still likely try my hand and mouth at that same pink cake. And I will share most of it!